Being vulnerable used to be uncool…at least where I’m from!

When I was a kid in the 70s and 80s, boys weren’t supposed to be vulnerable. If we cried, we were sissies. If we showed weakness, we were told to toughen up. Society treated our feelings as a problem to be squashed, not nurtured or understood.

For most of my life, seeking therapy was the antithesis of everything I’d been taught. It took years of support and unlearning—and ultimately a breakdown—to get me into a therapist’s office. When I did start seeing a therapist, I hid it from everyone but my wife. Even my kids didn’t know about it. I was scared of being judged and ridiculed for showing my true self.

Of course, I still had my doubts about therapy, but it took a lot of courage and love to get me there, so I intended to see it through. As I’ve shared before, I found a second therapist after the first one wasn’t a good fit, and things began to change. I discovered the power of connection and vulnerability.

In the past, seeking therapy was treated as a failure, and sharing that you were in therapy was the kind of thing that threw a heavy, awkward silence over a room.

But times have changed. People talk more openly about it now—including me! I’m a huge cheerleader for therapy. I want everyone to try it, especially men! It’s so hard for us to be vulnerable, so it really helps to have a safe and supportive space where we can let our guard down.   

We live in the era of Brené Brown, a time when our society is beginning to see the value and beauty of vulnerability. But vulnerability in and of itself doesn’t crack the code of who we’re meant to be.

No. It’s a stepping stone. Because once we let down our defenses, we can cast off who we’re pretending to be—and move toward who we really are.

I give my therapist a lot of credit for helping me figure out who I am. Sitting in her office, sunlight streaming through the windows, I began carving out a path to my true identity. She helps me continue to step into the ‘CATALYST’ I was always meant to be.

How is vulnerability changing your game?